one winter night in 2012
we were threading silver needles and talking to ourselves
and leaning on the big black piano was hell
it was the sickness we were wallowing in that could have made us well
reaching around in the cavity of us
a latex glove, an expression of disgust
we felt our way through life, our beauty blooming just so we could
sell our pretty bodies to the fear and the lust
that night there was passion being metamorphosed
on the northern wind that blew through our holes
on the dog's matted head, on the cushions that we chose
it crept into the house while we were tearing off our clothes
the room was wheezing by 2:00 sharp
we covered up our bodies with cotton woven tarps
in the shadow of the door, like a wooden escarpment
that we fastened with a hinge
the hinges were creaking as they loomed into view
on the edge of the door that will loom over you
the sky wanted your body, the ceiling did too
it shook like a rattle, waiting for you
and i
can't stop going out into the rain cause i'm without a woman's name
does it matter who?
i don't mean to flatter you
so you're sad too
well it's a popular attitude
carved
deep into my heart where i forget to check the parts so red and wet
so now i'm chasing you
shouldn't i be erasing you?
shouldn't someone be wasting you?
the stasis we are lacing through
is old
gnarled and magnetic, i'm a loss, i am pathetic, so shrug it off
the kiss is poisoned
let's not be disappointed
i've heard the voice in
sequence 10,000
times
the wind is blowing hard, straight in our face, pull out the card, the water's
laced with empathy
i haven't had the strength to be
any kind of empty
hole since i was 17
where
are you now? have you been found? did you get lost? i wonder how, over slush and moss
we found each other
how you found her older brother
safe in other arms of other people we were rediscovered
tonight
something's about to end, do you feel it too? do you feel your friends? how their shadows
grew against the wall
i don't feel at all
here it comes, it's early fall
so step out into the hall
you
most of all would know that what we started in the snow so broken hearted
is ending
the light the moon is lending
is suddenly sending
back an impending
answer
to what you wondered in montreal, there in your blunder, there in the fall
sunday morning
cold as a stone
she died so you'd have
an excuse to be fucked
up
everything you once thought foolish now will sing a ghoulish
hymn to your mother,
the arms of the other,
this time it's really over
nothing left of us to rediscover
try again and you will find
you'll lose your friends, you'll lose your mind
again, you'll see
in the end of the sea
of black in the eyes
of your last chance to die
in the arms of a real live person
who feels
who gives
you what
you need to live
and sees you through
so take this net
and catch a fake marble it's not yet
the time to lie in sleep, i'm buying in
to this freezing cold place
this burning season, my face
is old, and awfully white
it's time for mold, it's the dim light
that pushed you away
that let you feel it
in the bathroom, on the floor
the bathroom wants you more
than anyone, say goodnight
fall asleep, you're done, you're tight
you're losing
you're in a pile
of leaves
you're bruising your wrist
the wrist will be bruising for 10,000 years
stretching over your hometown as a rain of tears
no it's not a black hole, it's your reflection in the mirror
it's you, my lord
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